This is the one thing about motherhood that doesn't get easier regardless of the number of kids you have. For me, it's only gotten harder. I can't really put my finger on it, but I think it has to do with the fact that I have to leave ALL 3 of my kids in the responsible hands of someone else. I worry about what they're doing, if they're happy, if they're learning. What if they are scared? Do they need me? Do they miss me? Probably not...but I'll tell you, I miss them more than I can even explain.
I've never considered myself a SAHM, but after having baby number 2 and 3 I was blessed to be able to stay home for almost a year after each of their births, which I'm sure, is the reason why it is so hard to go back.
In my heart of hearts, I want to have a career. I do want to work, but the desire and drive is temporarily being put on the back burner because I just want to be mommy. We have bills and debt and other things that require me to work so it really isn't fair to bitch and moan about something that I need to do. My family needs my contribution.
Another thing that makes this transition difficult is the fact that it is, in fact, a transition. I don't do well with change. Talk about anxiety overdrive! I repeatedly ask myself, how in the world am I going to juggle the needs of 3 kids, my husband, the house, and not to mention myself, on top of having to work full time? How is it possible without going bat-shit crazy? I don't have an answer for this. And, I suppose, that I'll figure it out as I go along, but that doesn't help to alleviate my anxiety.
I somehow have this ridiculous fear that my kids will resent me when I tell them I can't come to their school function or game or whatever because I can't get out of work. Like I said, ridiculous. But, I can't help feeling this way.
I know I'll get over this hump. I've done it twice before and I just have to hope that I can do it again. I have tell myself that one day my kids will be proud that I was a working mommy and they won't resent me.
How did you adjust to having to go back to work after having your kids?
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