Jealous

This topic has me angry and hurt and my words might come out laced with venom, but just understand that these are my thoughts and emotions at this time.

Pre-children, I always had the vision that my kids would spend a lot of time with their grandparents, because naturally, one would think that grandparents would want to spend oodles of time with their grandchildren.

I've come to learn that is totally not the case in our lives.  I think, maybe, at one point before we added a 3rd little bundle of joy to our family, that maybe it could have been the case.  But, it's not.

My children's grandparents have never offered to my husband and I to take ALL 3 kids for an amount of time so that we could have some time to ourselves.  And when I say rarely, I pretty much mean never.  

Now, before anyone says something stupid like, "Well, do you ask them?"

My response, "Of course we have asked them."  And a few of the times we were told that they had something else they had to do.

I'm sorry, but hearing "No" from your own parents that they couldn't watch the kids because they had laundry to fold stings just a little.  Or, when you ask, are given a list of conditions to which are pretty inconvenient to us and the kids.  Sometimes I just want to keep the kids in their familiar surroundings rather than schlep them over to grandparents house, especially if our plans keep us out after bedtime.  That isn't a selfish thing to ask, is it?  I mean, come on, they're your grandchildren.  Can we put their needs first?

So, after awhile, it's just easier to pay one of our sitters to come to the house for a few hours so we can get out.  Sure, it sucks we have to pay this person, but what are our other alternatives?

I'm so sick of seeing friends of ours who's parents are always helping them out with the kids.  They come over to play with them or take them places or offer to cook dinner.  They offer to help them clean up or organize for a party, or they take the kids off their hands so that they can get stuff done.  Another one that stings is when I see my friends parents helping with their kids while their spouse and them host guests or whatever.  They change diapers, they make sure the kids are fed, and they just overall keep an eye on them so that the parents can make sure their guests are taken care of.  I'm not going to lie, it makes me jealous.  And, it hurts.

I understand 3 kids is a lot of work.  Trust me, I do it everyday.  But, it's not impossible.  My kids are pretty low-maintenance.  They're well-behaved and not to mention, cute as hell.  Is it really so much work to take them out back to play on the swings, or walk them to the park or offer to change a dirty diaper?

I'm really over the messages and the texts that say "I miss the kiddos."  Oh yeah, you miss the kiddos?  So, what are you telling me?  Is that your way of offering to come over one night to babysit so we can have a night out?  Or are you asking to come over so I can make dinner while you ignore my kids and play Candy Crush on your phone while my kids practically beg for you to play with them?  No, thank you.

We have an extremely busy life every day of the week.  Between speech and occupational therapies, dance class, exercise, after school activities, and not to forget, my husband's business that keeps him busy a few weekends each month, it's pretty evident that we don't really have the "time" to be hosting dinners because the grandparents can "miss" the kids.  Some nights, I'm lucky if we can get something more than chicken nuggets and pasta on the table.  If you want to offer to bring take-out for us and come over to see the kids, that would be greatly appreciated.  But, this has rarely happened.

Moral of the my story are pretty simple.  Kids are only young for short time.  Eventually they'll grow up and they'll realize who genuinely wants to spend time with them.  They'll know which family member they want to spend time with.  Kids are smart like that.  Having grandchildren is more than just hanging pictures up of them and than bragging about them to people when they ask about them.



If anything, at least now I know what type of grandparent I want to be to my future grandchildren......


To my kids:  I will take your babies off your hands for a little while when it's convenient for you.  I will do my best to make sure it's convenient for you.  I will offer to take them over night and play with them.  I will offer to bring dinner over during the week because I know how tough it is to juggle work and school and kids day in and day out.  I won't invite myself over and expect a hot meal because I know how tough it is just to get your own family fed.  Your kids come first, but your dad and I will be there to help you unconditionally because that's what we want to do.   Love, Mommy

You have 3 kids?!?!

That's the response that I get when I tell people about my children.  Yes, I have 3.

Is that odd?  Do I look under-qualified to raise 3 kids?  Why are you surprised?

Those are the questions that immediately pop in my head though I never ask them.  But, it's what brings me to this post.

My husband and I have lots of friends and about 90% of them are now married and since have had kids, most of which are all around the same ages as our own kids.  Kids kids everywhere.  Out of our close friends with kids, we are the only ones (with the exception of a few other couples) that have more than 2.  We are always asked, "we don't know how you do it with 3."  "I can barely do it with only 1."

Are you freakin' kidding me?

So, that gets me thinking back to the few short years when we had only 1 kid.  I think about the very beginning (which was tough).  And then I think back to her first holiday, than 1st Birthday, and so on.  I can't ever remember parenting her being a challenge.  It was just her.  I was essentially 2 against 1.  Automatically, we win.  She's outnumbered.  Right?  I mean, sure, there were tough times.  She was (and still is) a PICKY eater.  She didn't sleep through the night until almost 8 months.  But other than that, it was walk in the park.  She no other siblings to contend with or gang up against us with.

So, I can't figure out how these women (who are friends of mine) can sit and tell me how they can barely make it out alive with just one kid.  What is going on?  I know all kids come in different shapes, sizes, and levels of need, but come on.  Gimme a break.

It takes a lot for me  NOT to tell them to drop by my place when I'm trying to prepare dinner with all 3 kids and no husband home to help.  I'll gladly go get a pedicure and hand the reigns over to them for an hour while the 5 year is fighting with the 2 year old causing her to tantrum on the kitchen floor, along with the 10 month old who is trying to climb up your leg while your peeling vegetables.

Now, don't mistake the above for complaining.  It's not.  And I say that because I never once have gushed to another mom about how tough it is having 3 kids.  It was our choice to have that many.  We knew it was going to be tough.  It is, and we expected that.

I'm also not trying to toot my horn, because hell, there are plenty of people who have 4+ kids and never would I say how hard my 3 are.  Or, "I don't know how you do it with 5 kids."

You just do.

So anyway, I'm not sure where else I'm going with this.  It just all hit me today while we were at a birthday party and I was once again told, "I just don't know how you do it with 3"  "I can barely handle 1."  I just smile and nod politely and sometimes offer them validation of their statement, that yes, it is hard at times.  What I would like to say is...

"Are you freakin' kidding me?"